WHAT DEFINES LOVE?

By: Bello Aishat


There was a point in my life when I was obsessed with romance novels. I loved the idea of having someone that wanted to spend forever with you regardless of the fact that your father stole his father's company or that you are half mermaid. I dreamed of the time I would meet my soulmate, the sparks we would feel even before knowing each other's names and how it will end with him telling me his life without me in it would be meaningless.

Romance novels has a way of giving young minds such high expectations and standards for what love should be like, maybe that is not entirely a bad thing, but it is a sharp contrast to the love I see now.

Love today has become a mere commodity. While the love I have always longed for is in a way an exchange, it is nothing like the exchange I see around me every day. It is now difficult to distinguish between someone who is in a relationship because they genuinely want to be with the other person and someone who's just in it for benefits. Some of us might even be afraid to love, afraid to make yourself vulnerable to the other person because you can't tell if you're walking into a trap or it's the real deal.

While the key ingredients in the love everyone expects are affection, attention and companionship, the love of many relationships today rely on sex and money. While I believed love is a feeling that leaves a permanent smile on your face and a spring in your step, it turns out that love is actually more than that. Love can be a tornado, beautiful only in its fierceness. It can tear through you, leaving you bruised and empty yet craving for more.

The standard for love today has changed from what we all imagined as kids. A part of me still believes that out there, the kind of love I often daydreamed about in Basic Technology class still exist but another part, a bigger part is being forced to accept that it was just a fairytale and that means I do not longer know what defines love. Is love defined by how often I am willing to get naked for you? Is it defined by how much you are willing to spend? Is it defined by sweet words and pillow talks? Is it defined by subtle smiles, hand holding and cuddles? Is it defined by a ring and 3 kids? What defines love for you?

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