SETTING BOUNDARIES AS A WAY OF BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

By Charity Olufokunbi

David W. Earle said and I quote "Boundaries represent awareness, knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits".

Setting boundaries in any relationship is vital as this serves as a gear that drives the relationship and makes it an healthy one.

Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. They help you define what you are comfortable with and how you want to be treated by others.

It's important to note that it's not only in romantic relationships that one can set boundaries, you can also set boundaries in friendship relationship.

Now the big question is "How do you set these boundaries?" 

You have to first of all communicate your boundaries clearly. There's a popular saying which goes thus "where there is no law, there's no sin". If you haven't communicated your boundaries to people you are relating with, then you can't complain that they are overstepping their boundaries. You have to first of all communicate your boundaries in a clear way. Tell them what you want and what you don't want. 

Another thing to do is to consistent in maintaining and enforcing the boundaries you've set. It shouldn't be that what you still allow what you already clearly said you don't want. This would mean you're not serious with the boundaries you set and you would definitely be taken for granted. Take for example, if you tell your friends that you don't want them to call you abusive names, you make sure you confront them whenever they call you abusive names. This would show that you're serious with it and before you know, they will stop doing that. 

You don't keep quiet when they are going against the boundaries you've already set.

Also, you have to be calm and polite when enforcing these boundaries. You wouldn't want to loose or truncate the relationship you have so you have to try to communicate these boundaries in a calm and polite way. Make them understand that this is what you want but try as much as possible not to pass your message in an impolite way.

There's also the place of knowing when to say NO. So many people don't know how to say No to people. They try to please everyone and accept everything brought to them even at the detriment of their values. You should know that you can't please everyone so don't compromise your values because of someone else. If you don't want something, say No. You might have set boundaries but the moment you notice someone is already overstepping his/her limits, don't try to dance to the music but firmly stand your ground. This act of yours might be displeasing to them but one thing I'm sure will register in their mind is the fact that you don't want that.

Another question you might be asking yourself is "why do you even need to set these boundaries? "

Setting boundaries help determine what is and what is not okay in a relationship. The person you're in a relationship with get to know what you tolerate and what you don't tolerate and this would make them tred carefully avoiding doing what you don't want.

It builds greater self esteem. When you set boundaries in relationships, people will respect you and this would boost your self esteem. Once you are respected, you will become more confident in making decisions that are best for you and also in expressing your feelings and opinions. 

Setting boundaries also strengthens relationships. Once you've already set boundaries, you can communicate openly and express your feelings and thoughts without any fear of anyone criticising you. There's also the place of respect. This would create mutual respect between individuals in the relationship.

It's very important to set boundaries in order to build healthy relationships and avoid toxic and unsatisfying relationships.

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